i was a flight attendant for a year with continental airlines. you're on trips with different crews every few days, so you're basically making new friends and going out with new people 2 or 3 times a week on layovers. one night while having beers with a crew on a layover in tampa, we started the game of sharing in-flight horror stories. first of all, it's important to know that crazy sh*t happens in the air. i don't know why. i have no idea what comes over people, but sharing crazy work stories rises to a whole new level (no pun intended) when you work on a plane. of all of the crazy things i ever heard about or experienced myself, this one is the best. enjoy!
it's the FO's (first officer's) turn to tell a story. he hasn't been flying mainline long and was working for continental express the year before. they start boarding for the short flight, and a woman who had no arms comes walking onto the plane with her service monkey leashed to her belt; the monkey is wearing a diaper. not really taken aback (like i said, you see everything on a plane), he notices that the monkey does everything for her. he buckles her seatbelt, then buckles his own, and then folds his hands in his lap. the FA (flight attendant) brings her a beverage, the monkey takes it from her, helps the woman drink it, and gives it back to the FA. again, he sits back down with his hands in his lap. the FO is very impressed. what a perfect service animal.
the FA is not so impressed, and seems a little weirded out. it's a small plane with one aisle, 2 seats on one side, 1 seat on the other, and only one attendant working the plane.
they take off, and around 5000 feet (before you can use electronics) the FO (who is captain at the time) starts to hear screaming and loud noises. he calls back to check on the cabin and the flight attendant hysterically picks up the phone.
"is everything ok back there?"
"no! everything's not ok! it's the monkey! the monkey's gone crazy!!"
"well what do you want me to do?"
"land the plane! the monkey's gone crazy!"
landing a plane that has just taken off is a big deal. it's expensive and with this monkey incident added on there would be a lot of explaining and paperwork. still, judging from the FA's freak-out combined with the sounds he was hearing, he did go back and land the plane.
when he opened the door and came out of the flight deck, he said he saw the same monkey sitting perfectly in his seat with his hands folded in his lap, except he was covered in blue liquid, pieces of toilet paper, and had a wild look in his eyes. the toilet seat was lying in the middle of the aisle, toilet paper was strewn all over the cabin, and the flight attendant looked ready to quit.
airport personnel met the plane and escorted the monkey and his owner off the plane. it was then that the pilot learned that the poor monkey has experienced pain in his ears as the plane gained altitude. he didn't know what to do, so he freaked! according to the attendant, he started running up and down the aisle, jumping and climbing over seats and people, and then went into the bathroom on a rampage destroying the toilet paper, throwing anything he could find, and finally ripping off the toilet seat and throwing it out into the cabin. poor thing!
why oh why couldn't i be on this flight? i had drug mules, heart attacks, birds flying into the engine, but never a crazed monkey. can you imagine?!
what's the craziest airline story you've ever heard or experienced? i challenge anyone to beat this!!
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