married life, day 200


somehow during the two and a half weeks of time that passed during the shutdown, fall arrived.  before, i would wake up to daylight, wear dresses and sandals, and have plenty of evening to enjoy after work.  when the shutdown ended, i turned my alarm back on and woke up to a completely new type of workday (dark and short).  thankfully we have daylight savings ending in about a week, but then we begin our northeast march into the darkness of winter and get S.A.D.!!!

until that happens, though, we will enjoy fall.  the leaves on the trees are changing into beautiful and vibrant colors, and the crisp afternoon air is refreshing.  and fall means halloween! :)

around our house, the shutdown felt like it lasted for months.  i made paintings, took pictures, decorated the house, cooked a lot, ran a ridiculous amount of errands, and enjoyed spending unlimited time with the girls.  i also discovered a million new things i want to do/learn/make and realized that even if i were a stay at home woman, there would never be enough time in the world to do everything i want to do.

but to be completely honest, i was excited to come back to work.  i like working, contributing financially to our lives, having a purpose outside of our home, and having a daily routine with visible accomplishments.  i also like my job.

it's funny because when i was little, i used to imagine what i would be when i grew up (like most people do).  for an assignment in elementary school, we were asked to write a letter to our future selves describing what we thought our lives would be like at the time the letter was opened, which was supposed to be when we were 25.  i think i found and opened the letter around age 23 and by then i was supposed to be a rich medical doctor, married to my soul-mate, with 3 kids but wanting 5 kids by age 30.  whoa. someone should have given me a talking to.  i don't really remember writing the letter, but i do remember that whatever occupation i had, or how many kids were involved, over the years i have always imagined myself married, with dogs, and a family, and a house where we ate loudly, and cleaned with music blasting, and mowed the lawn together, and had family dance parties in the living room.
solar flare
yesterday afternoon after work, eric and i were going to town on our yard - there are leaves everywhere and invasive chives are taking over!  after making piles of leaves that the girls would jump and play in if we didn't pick them up fast enough, we mowed and weed ate before heading inside for dinner.  at some point i was standing out there with the weed-eater, and the sun's golden light was throwing evening rays on the four of us, and i thought oh my god, this moment is what i have always imagined.  this moment, right now, is me, my love, our dogs, our house, we could start a family, we're happy, we have jobs, this is it.  there was just this moment full of gratitude and potential and i just had to stand there and take it in and make sure i gave it the full appreciation it deserved.

how many times in your life has something turned out like you imagined it could? for me that would be pretty much zero times.  things have turned out better and worse and a million other ways, but hardly ever do they turn out just like you thought they would.  it was pretty cool.

so i'm dedicating today, day 200 of married life, to the mindfulness of gratitude.  grateful that i found a partner that without knowing or trying lives up to my silly childhood dreaming in ways that i could and couldn't have imagined.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...